Matthew

Hello all,

You probably think I'm dead and gone, it's been so long since I've blogged.

My boy turned 5 a while ago. Wow. He starts kindergarten on Tuesday. How did this happen? When I tickle Matt's tummy and ask if my baby Matthew is still in there he gleefully smiles at me and tells me, "I ate him." At least he's in there somwhere.

It's been a busy summer, full of coming and going, working and playing and seeing family.

I'll update you in greater detail later, but this post is about Matt.

Where to begin. Matthew means gift from God. And he is. I have been pregnant 4 times, and I have one beautiful, wonderful, kind, loving, generous and gentle little boy.

He was so worth it. I won't go into the details, let's just suffice to say that my first one wasn't your "ordinary" miscarriage. There were surgeries involved, diffucult diagnosis, and at one point, the doctor actually told me, "We don't know exactly what's wrong, but you need to wrap your mind around the fact at that the end of this, you won't have a baby." It was weeks after the pregnancy had ended that it actually really hit me and I can remember so clearly the ache that filled my chest and choked my throat for days. I remember the feeling of exhaustion after many, many nights of long cries. I was terrified to try again. Thanks to God, I did.

I think what has hit me the hardest in the past few months as I try to accept the fact that Matt is big enough to do jumps on his bikes (yes, it was a very short while ago that I posted about the training wheels coming off - and now he's going over jumps!), do a front flip on the trampoline (oh my gosh!!) and add in his head at the dinner table, is that he just knows, so deeply that he is able to assume it - that I love him soooo much.

We were on our way to a store in Penticton, and I sat in the back seat next to him. He says to me, "Mommy, why are you in the back?"

"Why do you think?"

"'Cause you love me so so so much."

"Matt, you must stay right beside me while we cross the parking lot. Do you know why?"

"Because you love me so much and the stealers will get me if I don't say close."

(Yes, I have taught my son about the people who steal children).

HOWEVER, the moral of the story is that he knows I love him. AND the happy ending is that I have him to love.

More updates to come, but for now, goodnight.

Loves,

Laura